


Cataclysm Children

by harpydora, Rimbaum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/M, Incest, Purple Prose, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-14
Updated: 2011-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harpydora/pseuds/harpydora, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rimbaum/pseuds/Rimbaum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[TT]: I admit, all of my dates thus far have been compared to my interactions with Dave. They all fall woefully short in many arenas. One might even go so far as to say all of the ones that really matter.<br/>[GG]: yeah.....<br/>[GG]: after youre willing to die for someone no one else really seems to matter huh?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started because we both wanted to explore the depths of Rose's feelings for/about Dave. It continued because we both wanted an excuse to write purple prose in the style of Rose. We are unrepentant.

_September 13th, 2011_

 _My date with Tony was a spectacular failure. Although he proved to be an intellectual match where the average school subjects were concerned, he lacked the ability to keep up with my attempts at verbal sparring. I fear my loquaciousness has frightened him away, and I did not even touch on the subject of eldritch horrors and impossible, universe-creating games._

 _I think perhaps I long just as much for understanding about such things as I do for someone capable of keeping up in a battle of wits and snark. Lately, it seems as though the only one truly capable is the one person that society declares off-limits. It's a shame Strider is so tight-lipped about the truth of how he feels. I feel somewhat more relaxed in knowing that it's not something personal, because he knows as much as I, and John, and Jade, that I would lay down my life for him. He would also, I'm sure, do the same for me even now._

 

\-- gardenGnostic  [GG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

  
[GG]: well are you going to tell auntie jade how it went?? :D  
[TT]: I believe the words that best describe the experience are "abysmal failure." Perhaps closely followed by "unmitigated disaster."  
[GG]: oh no!! what happened?? D:  
[TT]: Tony proved to be inadequate in keeping up with sarcasm and snark in large quantities. I simply could not take him seriously after he failed to understand that I was, in fact, being duplicitous on several occasions throughout the evening.  
[GG]: rose what did i tell you about waving your sarcasm around on a first date?  
[TT]: I'm afraid it's a bad habit I appear to be incapable of breaking.  
[GG]: no kidding! this is what the third date you chased off already? i mean i thought you liked this one.....  
[TT]: I thought so too. Alas, it seems as though I already have my heart set on someone else.  
[GG]: :O!!  
[GG]: reealllly now??  
[GG]: who is it???  
[TT]: I will forego theatrics and sarcasm if you promise not to repeat this to anyone.  
[GG]: cross my heart! i promise!!!  
[TT]: Very well.  
[TT]: ...  
[TT]: ...  
[TT]: ...  
[TT]: Feel free to call me out on my theatrics at any time.  
[GG]: roooose!!!  
[GG]: youre being theatrical again!  
[GG]: with a side of maybe some histrionics too.  
[TT]: All right, you win, Jade.  
[TT]: It's David.  
[GG]: ...  
[GG]: i think i speak for pretty much the entire world when i say this...  
[GG]: but.....  
[GG]: ........  
[GG]: and you can stop my theatrics at any time here.............  
[GG]: ........................  
[GG]: thats pretty obvious!!  
[GG]: i mean its kind of always been you and dave and me and john hasnt it?  
[TT]: Are you implying something about yourself and your brother, Jade?  
[GG]: well since we are having a great big honest conversation here....  
[GG]: maybe just a little.....  
[GG]: just hear me out!!  
[TT]: I do not believe I'm in much of a position to be judging your more than strictly familial relationship with John.  
[GG]: haha i guess youre right! but its not like that..  
[GG]: i mean....  
[GG]: we all went through so much together you know? and you all mean so much to me!  
[GG]: but at the end of the day....  
[GG]: oh i feel so stupid! its just no one else measures up!  
[GG]: you know?  
[TT]: I admit, all of my dates thus far have been compared to my interactions with Dave. They all fall woefully short in many arenas. One might even go so far as to say all of the ones that really matter.  
[GG]: yeah.....  
[GG]: after youre willing to die for someone no one else really seems to matter huh?  
[TT]: So it would seem.  
[TT]: Thank you for understanding, Jade.   


\-- tentacleTherapist  [TT] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic  [GG] \--

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that was one hard part done and over with. If Jade was only harboring unrequited feelings, they were in much the same boat together. If, in fact, John and Jade _were_ in a relationship together, it would leave Rose with very little other choices. There was still the option of going after normal, stable people, but none of them would ever understand what they'd all been through. Assuming, of course, they believed her in the first place. It seemed entirely more likely that they might find an excuse to put her in a car and drive her to the nearest psychiatric hospital.

The more pressing issue, of course, would be that of trying to woo Strider in the first place without scaring him off. Would he take her sincerely, or assume a passive-aggressive game of one-upmanship? Perhaps now would be as good a time as any to find out.

 

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

  
[TG]: sup lalonde how did the date with your poindexter go  
[TT]: As I just got done telling Jade, it was a spectacular failure. I shall spare you the gruesome details.  
[TG]: wait gruesome details???  
[TG]: fuck no clue me in  
[TG]: how bad did you rip into this guy i wanna know exactly how much he threw up when the shit got too high for him to handle anymore  
[TT]: Strider, you should know that a lady never kisses and tells.  
[TG]: wait what you kissed him???  
[TG]: when did this happen  
[TG]: also if youre a lady im the goddamn batman  
[TT]: Why Mister Wayne, it's a pleasure to speak with you.  
[TG]: no  
[TG]: lalonde you dont get to do that  
[TG]: you owe me gruesome details here  
[TG]: dont leave me hanging  
[TG]: its not nice to blueball your ectobro  
[TT]: I was not aware you were getting off on the escapades of my failed relationships.  
[TT]: Is there something you want to tell me, Strider?  
[TT]: Excuse me. Mister Wayne.  
[TG]: yes lalonde i am repressing all of my homosex feelings for my underage boy wonder  
[TG]: i am the pedobear  
[TG]: he is me  
[TT]: Fascinating. However, I fail to see the correlation between your homoerotic feelings for young men in spandex circus outfits and my romantic endeavors.  
[TG]: ok you got me  
[TG]: i am a sadist who gets off on hearing how you verbally castrated a poor unsuspecting dude  
[TT]: Ah, if that's the case, then I'm sure you're supplied with adequate material from our previous conversations as it is.  
[TG]: lalonde you never tell me anything  
[TG]: youre a goddamn cocktease is what you are  
[TG]: you get a mans hopes up  
[TG]: and then crush him under your sensibly shod heel  
[TG]: you still wear sensible shoes right  
[TT]: Am I to presume you have a foot fetish now? Shall I describe in intimate loving detail how my pumps crush the smoldering embers of a cigarette into the concrete of the sidewalk as I verbally destroy all of your hopes and dreams?  
[TG]: its a start  
[TT]: You shall have to excuse me while I compose a fifty-page short story doing just that.  
[TG]: take your time  
[TG]: just go easy on the geriatric bearded guys  
[TG]: nothing kills my boner faster than scraggly grey facial hair  
[TT]: I shall try, but I make no promises. Presumably this will be an acceptable agreement?  
[TG]: i guess itll have to do  
[TG]: just remember to pay special attention to those shoes lalonde  
[TG]: i mean victorian romance novel detail  
[TG]: i want at least five of those pages talking to me about the exact dimensions of your foot  
[TG]: the brontes will blush  
[TG]: austen will swoon  
[TG]: sensible ladies everywhere will be diagnosed with hysteria  
[TG]: doctors gonna get carpal tunnel treating all of them  
[TG]: gonna have to call in the fucking machine  
[TT]: Why Dave, I was unaware of your familiarity with Victorian medical practices.  
[TG]: course i know about it how can you not behold the glory that is the worlds first vibrator  
[TT]: Are you secretly a swooning Victorian lady, Dave?  
[TG]: fuck you found me out  
[TG]: i take hours every morning to lace myself into my whalebone corsets and powder my wig  
[TT]: You shall have to supply me with pictures so I can accurately describe your everyday modest clothing in the story. I shall have to revise my initial estimate on length, of course.  
[TG]: lalonde you have always underestimated my length  
[TT]: I have stated before that photographic proof is in order if you insist on making wild claims, Strider.  
[TG]: you keep saying that lalonde  
[TG]: i gotta wonder just how bad you wanna see my crotch dachshund  
[TT]: Dave, I have a confession to make.  
[TG]: youre in sibling lust with me arent you  
[TT]: Yes, I am.  
[TG]: i knew it  
[TG]: you just cant resist the strider charm  
[TG]: but seriously when youre ready to tell me those gruesome details about your date gimme a ring  
[TG]: im out   


\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--

 

Rose had to resist the urge to slam her head into the keyboard. She had stupidly admitted her feelings in the middle of a verbal battle, only to have them totally crushed. Why had she chosen that time to actually be sincere? Of course Dave wouldn't believe her. Most likely it had been a ploy by her subconscious mind to sabotage herself.

Perhaps she really should write something for her ectosibling. Sometimes the veneer of fiction could do wonders in an emotional catharsis. The ostensible distance from the truth often lent itself to the most factual telling of one's desires. And, cowardly though it may be, it would provide her a convenient means to disengage should her "confession" be taken poorly. It would indeed merely be her spiteful response to their exchange and his sarcastic barbs.

She declined to analyze that thought any further, choosing instead to open a new text document on her desktop.


	2. Chapter 2

_Indeed, for although the good Lady had shaken off the curse, there were still times she was unable to bear remembering the effects it had had on her. It was in these dark moments that she found herself wishing for the company of the Knight deStrideur more than any other. Alas, he was away from the castle more and more often of late, and the Lady Grimmedarque was forced to rely only on his letters and her good friend Lady Witchazel._

 _The friendship that blossomed betwixt the two Ladies during those dark times was one borne of shared experiences and parallel desires. The Lady Witchazel had accompanied the Lady Grimmedarque on the long journey leading to her curse and the shattering thereof, and while Witchazel did not know all of Grimmedarque's secrets, she held close the only one that mattered._

 

Rose made sure that her bags were packed. She couldn't afford to leave anything important out for the Thanksgiving 'Sburb Survivors Gathering', as Dave had dubbed their holiday get-togethers, and she was determined not to forget anything despite her excitement. It would hardly be fitting to arrive in Washington missing some vital article of clothing or necessary implement of hygiene and request a new item from her mother. Just because things seemed to have mellowed out between her and her mother did not mean she wanted the theatrics that came along with something that could easily be prevented.

The last thing to be packed up was her laptop bag. Rose still had a steady fifteen minutes before being required to head down to the car, so she transferred her current writing project onto a flash drive so that she could actually get some writing done on the flight over to Washington. She didn't bother with packing any sort of needlework project, not particularly desirous of a scuffle with airport security over her less-than-orthodox knitting implements.

Rose was hoping for a nice, quiet trip. She and her mother were able to get on their way early, which was honestly better just in the event that there was some traffic or a problem with the road. Unfortunately, it seemed that her mother had other plans.

"Rose, might I ask about your current social engagements?" The question was worded innocuously enough, but the pitch of her mother's tone caused Rose to arch an eyebrow.

"Whatever do you mean, dearest Mother?" She cocked her head to one side, feigning mild interest in the conversation. If her mother noticed the ruse, she gave no indication.

"I worry about you, dear. It's been some time since you've had to worry about being in mortal danger, I thought surely you would have taken up some new hobbies by now. You're more than capable of taking first chair in concert orchestra, were you so inclined. Or you could audition for choir, if you've tired of your violin. I would even go so far as to support you should you declare yourself a thespian and join the drama club. There's more to life than talking to your friends on the computer all day."

There couldn't be that much harm in admitting the simple truth of the matter, and it wasn't something that her mother probably hadn't already guessed. "I'm afraid that after my experiences in the game, ordinary extracurricular activities fail to captivate my interests."

Rose stared out the passenger's seat window, waiting for the silence to be broken. Her mother knew a lot, but she didn't know everything. There were still secrets that had to be kept, for her mother's sake. "I had figured as much. It's better to at least hear some confirmation on that, I suppose."

The short silence that followed was much less tense, and Rose contemplated getting out her laptop to work on a bit of writing done before her mother interjected yet again. "So tell me why, after talking about him nearly nonstop for two months, Tony's name has suddenly become _verboten_ in the household."

In that moment, Rose had never wished so fervently for a neglectful parent. Her face remained impassive, but her brain worked quickly through all of her possible responses. She weighed each in turn and discarded them quickly, most leaving her too vulnerable to maternal insight or skirting too close to outright falsehood for her comfort. Finally, she replied, "He felt threatened by my formidable wit, which led to a semi-amicable parting of ways."

"Dear, everyone feels threatened by your wit. I'm afraid that's something you'll have to get used to."

"My friends aren't." One in particular was able to match her, and had been getting increasingly better at it as of late, too. But Rose wasn't about to admit that to her mother.

"Last I recall, polygamous marriages were illegal in most of the country. I supposed you might be able to work it out in Utah..."

That earned a raised eyebrow. "Why, Mother, are you suggesting I marry my two best friends and my brother?" Rose kept her tone light, but couldn't help the slight smile at the teasing joke.

Her mother shook her head. "When you frame it in those terms, I suppose we will have to move the wedding to Alabama." She sighed. "In all seriousness, I'm concerned about you, Rose. You went through so much, and I'm worried about your social isolation. It can't be healthy for you to be so distanced from your peer group."

"What exactly do you suggest I do, Mother?" Despite her best efforts, irritation crept into Rose's voice. "It's hardly intentional that I have a difficult time relating to my so-called 'peers.' I didn't put myself and my dearest friends in danger just for the sake of avoiding later social contact. I am, in fact, quite sure that was the furthest thing from my mind at the time."

Her mother drove in silence for several minutes, and just as Rose thought the subject was going to be dropped, the damnable woman spoke up again. "How would you feel about moving to Washington? I've found myself tiring of the long distance nature of my relationship with Roger, and I've looked at a few nice houses near the same neighborhood. You could be closer to your friends."

A quick consultation with her mental map yielded disappointing results: moving to Maple Valley would add approximately six hundred miles of distance between her and Houston. However, the prospect of being able to finish high school in the presence of at least two people she could trust was a tantalizing improvement over her current situation. "I admit, the idea holds some appeal," she said at length. "But what about this house? And your lab?"

The questions were waved away. "My lab work is easily transferable to that part of the country. As for the house, we would have to try and sell it, although heaven knows how long we'll be sitting on the property in this economy. And it isn't as though we'll be moving today. These things take time. I just thought you should be included; you aren't a flighty thirteen-year-old anymore."

It surprised Rose to find that she was still a little shocked at her mother's compliment, and it took her mouth a few moments to stumble through a suitable "thank you." When her mother smiled in response, the quiet that fell was easy and comfortable with no underpinnings of ulterior motives. Perhaps, she reflected, this would be a pleasant trip after all?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

 _The good Lady had known of the Knight's reputation, and shared written confidences with him in the past. It was not until after the plague struck, robbing the country of both its prince and lady in waiting, that they were first able to meet. They traveled together through the darkened, empty halls of the castle in search of a cure and a way to bring back those that had been lost. And in their search for knowledge, the Lady Grimmedarque learned that the Knight deStrideur was one of the few able to match her own sharp wit._

 _It was the spell enabling the prince and lady in waiting to be brought back to life that stole away their memories of each other during that time. They had grown close, perhaps even had a chance at intimacy, and their budding relationship was torn away from them. From that point, although the Knight went on with his duties, the Lady Grimmedarque had trouble sleeping, kept awake by an ache in her heart she could not explain._

 _The Lady Witchazel, newly revived from her plague-death, helped her good friend with her heartache by placing her in a bespelled slumber. If not for the unnatural sleep, the Lady Grimmedarque would not have been able to regain the memories locked away in her psyche. While the Knight was undisturbed by a broken heart or troubles sleeping, the Lady was forced to watch on as the man she had fallen in love with ignored her and spurned her advances._

 

Rose and her mother were the last to arrive, though whether by accident or design (her mother did enjoy making an entrance) she did not know. Ultimately, it didn't matter. When she saw the mis-matched crew of Jade, John, Mr. Egbert, and the Striders, her heart leapt into her throat like it always did, and she couldn't keep the grin off her face. There was a moment between when she caught sight of them and when they recognized her in which she was able to track their reactions to her arrival. Jade and John shared similar expressions, their smiles wide as they rushed forward to sweep her into a tangled hug. It almost looked as if Dave might join them, but he stopped just short, choosing instead to shove his hands into his pockets and scuff at the tile with one toe.

The affectionate gesture from John and Jade warmed her heart, but it was far from the contact she really wanted and that Dave was unwilling to give. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Roger Egbert sweep her mother off her feet and spin her around before setting her back on the ground. That was the sort of romantic gesture she wanted desperately to receive, even under the guise of irony that Dave hid behind so often. Once she had disengaged from John and Jade, she turned to her brother. "Your aloofness would lead a lady to believe that you aren't pleased to see her after months of separation, Strider," she said, not quite able to keep her words from sounding a little tart even to her own ears.

He shrugged. "Sorry, Lalonde, feelin' up my ectosis ain't really high on my to-do list for the day. Better luck tomorrow, if that's your thing."

Hearing his voice was always a fascinating experience that tended to disarm her if they hadn't spoken in a while. The cadence of his vowels never quite matched up with the way he typed, and the way his southern colloquialisms slipped into his speech while they remained curiously absent from his pesterlogs always caught her off-guard. Rather than feeling stung, Rose chose to fix her attention on how nice it was to be able to hear his voice. "Yes, of course, how foolish of me to expect or desire any modicum of sibling affection from my _actual_ sibling. I suppose I have no choice but to hope for a better tomorrow." She cast a meaningful glance in the direction of John, who now had an armful of affectionate Jade. "Or an adoption."

"What, you wishin' I'd been raised by a dog or somethin'?" Dave asked, having caught most of her meaning. "Would you feel better if I started humpin' your leg?"

Rose made a point of heaving a heavy sigh. "I suppose if that is the only way in which you know how to express fondness for your own flesh and blood, it will have to do. Just try not to make a mess of my tights, I only packed two pairs."

"Yeah, whatever." Dave pulled one hand out of his pocket, hooked his arm around her shoulders, and pulled her into what Rose had to admit was the most appalling approximation of a hug known to paradox space and beyond. It felt as if he had spent hours studying the Wikipedia entry on the "Christian side hug" to ensure he had drained the gesture of any real emotion. When he stepped back and slid his hand back into his pocket, the only thing Rose could do was scowl.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Strider, if that's the best you can muster, I ask that you not even bother next time." She noticed that her hands were clenched into slightly trembling fists at her side, and she willed them open again. Two careless words and the movement of a handful of muscles threatened to undo her in the middle of an airport. This would not do.

Rose staunchly ignored the looks that Jade and John gave her, picking her bags up and leading the way towards the exit. The adults would get the hint soon enough, she was sure of that.

The van ride to the Egbert residence was nothing new. Bro claimed the entire middle bench of the van to himself and sprawled out on it, John's father and Rose's mother rode up front, and all four kids crowded into the back. Technically, the back seats were only meant to fit three people, but Jade wound up with a foot on Dave's shoulder, legs in front of Rose's chest, and mostly piled on top of John while they laughed about some private joke or a movie they'd seen the previous day.

Somewhere along the way, Jade had discarded her shoes and was currently trying to grab Dave's sunglasses with her toes. At first, he merely turned away, but Jade remained undeterred. When Dave took hold of her ankle and held it in his lap, she stuck out her tongue and began trying with her other foot. "Cut it out, Harley."

Jade glanced at Rose, impish twinkle evident in her green eyes, and Rose knew what Jade was up to. She nodded ever-so-slightly, just a tiny tilt of her chin, carefully avoiding looking at her brother so as not to tip her hand too soon. Suddenly, Jade shifted, and Rose took that as her cue. The back seat erupted into a flurry of motion punctuated by poorly-suppressed snorts and giggles as Rose and Jade both lunged for Dave's shades. Try though he might, he could only barely manage to keep them from snatching them away.

That was when Jade struck. "Tickle attack!" she cried, taking advantage of Dave's focus on defending his eyewear to lean forward and dig her fingers into his ribs. Rose joined in by attacking the sensitive spots on her brother's neck. Even John joined in the attack on their friend, getting lower and deftly getting behind Dave's knees, forcing him to kick at the back of the seat in front of him in order to try and avoid the touches.

"You kids stop it or I will beat your asses senseless." Bro's voice interrupted the fun, swatting at the kids without really attempting to sit up and do it properly. When John and Jade pulled away, it left Rose huddled rather uncomfortably on top of her ectosibling. She tried not to notice how his hair smelled faintly like strawberries, or how soft it felt against her cheek, but to no avail. Her thoughts were cut mercifully short, however, when she was rather unceremoniously shoved off of her brother and into Jade's lap.

The rest of the ride was relatively uneventful, and when everyone else piled out, Dave grabbed Rose's wrist to hold her back. In the few brief moments they had alone, he pulled her into a warm, full hug. Too shocked to return the favor, Rose could only try to take in how warm Dave was, and remind herself to take in a deep breath so she could smell his hair again. Sadly, he only allowed the hug to last for precious few seconds before pulling away. "Good to see you, sis."

Rose was quite certain that Dave intended to drive her crazy. It would be less painful if he continued to feign emotional disinterest in her, rather than give her such raw affection in private and go back to not caring in the company of their friends and family. Her assessment of the trip's enjoyability slipped steadily down from "somewhat pleasant" to "potentially disastrous."


	3. Chapter 3

_The fates, as it happened, were fickle and cruel beyond even Lady Grimmedarque's ability to understand. The Knight tempted her with affection in private, but no more than a chaste embrace and genuine words. While among their friends, the Knight deStrideur refused to show the barest inclination of even a shadow of affection except when forced by social niceties._

 _Perhaps even all this might have been tolerable to the Lady, were it not for the sudden betrayal of her trust. While the Knight had little regard for privacy, a proclivity that had previously lent itself to mayhem and plague, the Lady Grimmedarque felt that he realized some things were best kept where they had been placed. But the Knight, though noble in many intentions, was still a scoundrel and a cad in many respects._

 

The last-minute trip to the supermarket had not been entirely unexpected in hindsight. Roger Egbert was nothing if not a caring and responsible adult, and it only made sense that he would express concern for Rose's feelings when it came to the matter of moving cross-country with her mother. What _had_ been unexpected was how enjoyable it had been. Rose found herself opening up easily, laughing and joking with Mr. Egbert as they scavenged for the necessary items in a store already picked to the bone.

She gave him extra points for avoiding the cliche of "I'm not trying to take your mother away from you (or replace your father)," though the parenthetical part certainly did not apply. The points dropped away when he asked off-handedly, "Is everything all right with you and your brother? You didn't look all that happy to see him, and he was acting like a bit of a--" he hesitated, chewing on the stem of his pipe as he tried to find the right word, "-- well, a jerk."

"I find that David always acts that way, although I always hope that he might show as much enthusiasm to see me as I do for him, futile as that hope must be."

"I see," said Roger, though Rose was certain he (thankfully) did not. "Well, I may not be directly related, but I could see my way to talking with him, if you like. Or I could maybe nudge Broderick in that direction. Whatever you think might be more helpful."

Rose highly doubted that much of anything would be helpful, but she nodded in agreement to go along with it. He was only trying to be nice, there was no sense in rejecting the offer. "I would appreciate it, Mr. Egbert."

At that, Roger chuckled. "I understand wanting to show respect, but if you ever feel comfortable enough, you're welcome to call me Roger."

It was a heartwarming gesture, but entirely unnecessary. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm afraid I will never be able to stop thinking of you as John's father, first and foremost."

"Of course, of course," said Roger, chewing on his pipe stem again. "Well, it looks like we've found everything. Thank you for your help, the dressing has been saved because of your sharp eyes!"

Despite the store's shelves being mostly bare, the checkout lines were long, and it took them nearly half an hour to finally clear the store's threshold with their spoils in hand. Roger passed the time by slyly lodging questions about Marnie Lalonde's material possessions in a thinly veiled attempt to pick possible Christmas gifts on Black Friday. Rose divined his intentions with ease, but she played along readily enough. She enjoyed the changes he'd brought about in her mother, so she dropped more than a few hints.

The short trip back to the Egbert-Harley residence passed in easy silence, and it only took one trip to unload the groceries into the kitchen. "All right, your duties as errand lass have been fulfilled satisfactorily," Roger said, gently ruffling Rose's hair. "Go find your friends and tell them dinner will be in two hours."

"Of course." Rose straightened her hair out and went upstairs to see how well John and Jade were keeping Dave entertained, or if her brother had been overwhelmed by their combined antics. She paused outside the room, partially intent on surprising them, partially to listen in so she might be able to jump right in to the conversation with her own opinions or observations.

"'And so the Lady was cursed, forced into being possessed by numerous demons and act as their vessel. Unable to control her own actions, she could only watch as the demons exploited her baser instincts and darker desires, making her do things that she would never...' oh my fuck, guys, I can't keep going, this is such a load of bullshit." Dave's drawling words were interrupted by a snigger. He was obviously having a lot of fun insulting his own eventual gift.

Rose's vision went dark, black tendrils obscuring the periphery of her vision as all of her focus narrowed in on Dave. _"Strider you insufferable asshole, you've gone through my things for the last fucking time!"_ With two impossibly long steps, she closed the distance them, wrenching the flash drive from John's computer and tossing it on the pile of stuffed animals that covered Jade's bed. _"Did our experiences in Sburb teach you nothing about snooping through my things? Or do you need to exercise your ability to jump through time to reacquaint yourself with Jack Noir?"_

Rose felt herself being pulled away, and John stepped in between her and Dave. "Rose, calm down! I know you're upset, but it's no reason to be going all grimdark again!"

"Holy fuck, is _that_ what that was?" Dave's shades had slipped down the bridge of his nose, revealing how wide his (alluring) red eyes were.

 _"I fail to see your concern, John."_ She folded her arms over her chest. Her hands were clenched into fists, and she was vaguely aware of wisps of grey smoke rising from her skin.

To her right, she heard Jade clear her throat. "Rose, no one can understand what you're saying." Jade's eyebrows knit together in worry, leaving a furrow between them that Rose may have found adorable in other circumstances. "You sound like Feferi did when she tried to teach me how to speak to the horrorterrors."

Ah. That could be problematic. Rose took a deep breath to try and steady her nerves, and very carefully chose her next words to avoid the troubling eldritch speech. "Dave, did you learn nothing about how dangerous it is to snoop through my belongings? Even the most seemingly innocent of things may have relevance you do not fully comprehend."

Evidently her tongue produced its native language once more, because Dave shifted uncomfortably and readjusted his shades. "I don't know if you got the memo, Lalonde, but we ain't playin' Sburb anymore. Jack's gone, Bec's just a dog, the troll assholes are all safe and snug in their own damn universe, and there is no good reason for you to get your panties in a fucking twist because you don't password protect your shit."

The anger that grew in Rose's chest in response to Dave's words was blessedly mundane this time. Her eyes narrowed as she glared in his direction. "Well, Strider, it is reassuring to know that some things never change. Once there is no threat of world destruction to stay your hand, you return to being a common snoop. Did it never occur to you that your actions might also, in addition to once threatening two universes, be hurtful?" At Dave's (presumably) stunned silence, she sneered. "No, of course not. I hope you enjoyed your fun at the expense of my trust."

Her words spent, she leaned past Dave to close all the windows on John's desktop, then stepped over the clutter of luggage to Jade's bed. Once she had retrieved her flash drive and slipped it into her pocket, she turned back to face him. "Good evening. I'm going to go fight our _father_ for the liberty of sleeping on the couch tonight."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

 _If it had not been for the midnight counsel of her estranged father, the stress of the Knight's betrayal may have undone her completely. It felt as though Lady Grimmedarque's very soul had been shot through with fine cracks and could shatter at any instant. To have her heart's truest words thrown back at her in such a manner, to hear deStrideur's tongue deriding them so callously..._

 _Much to Lady Grimmedarque's shame, the incident had called up in her breast an echo of the curse. It robbed her of speech, it humiliated her before Prince Galath, and worse - it had even frightened the Knight. She may have been able to live with the shame of her outburst, but the weight of the Knight's incredulous shock proved more than she could bear. No one spoke when she fled the castle._

 

Rose had managed to commandeer the couch, while her estranged father had fallen asleep on the floor. She lay awake, staring at the ceiling and refusing to let herself cry. She didn't understand why her heart continued to latch onto Strider's companionship as an ideal. This was hardly the first time he'd betrayed her trust in such a way, and all signs pointed to it not being the last. Clearly, she was capable of _attraction_ to others, surely she might one day find a way to forge an emotional connection as well?

Even after the interceding years since the game had been won (since _they_ won it, she corrected herself, moving them from passive voice to active), Rose still found herself periodically missing the trolls. Kanaya in particular had a way with words during their time together that often helped Rose organize her thoughts and feelings. She longed fervently for that just now. Though it might be a fool's wish, a part of her wanted to smash the wall that separated their universe from the trolls', just so she could talk her way through these feelings with Kanaya, and maybe expunge them from her heart.

It was only a foolish dream, though. It didn't matter how much she willed it to be different. She knew enough about the human psyche to know it did not change anything. She had still spent four months alone with one boy, and he alone had proven himself able to match her step for step. He alone had proven himself able to match her word for word. He alone had proven himself able to know her completely. Her heart would accept no substitutes.

Her eyes stung, but she refused to acknowledge it. When a hot tear rolled down her cheek, she ignored it. There was no way she would let Strider do this to her. She would not cry because of him. Rose failed to even notice when the clock chimed midnight elsewhere in the house, more focused on her memories. Only her intense concentration on regulating her bodily functions prevented her from jumping in surprise when someone sat quietly at the other end of the couch.

"I know you're trying to be quiet and all, but I can't fucking sleep when you're over here sniffling." Bro seemed much different without his trademark anime-styled eyewear and baseball cap. More open, and perhaps more how an older Dave might look.

"My apologies, Bro," replied Rose, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and sitting up. "I shall refrain from being so upset over a betrayal of trust in the future so that I do not interfere with your much-needed beauty sleep."

The hit to the back of her head should not have surprised her - unlike Dave, Bro was not very amenable to passive-aggressive jabs, preferring a much more physical approach instead. "Listen, little lady, I ain't gonna sugar coat words or put up with shit. You talk to me, you say what you mean or we're gonna have problems. We've gone over this shit before, and I sure as fuck don't feel like going over it again. Now what's got your panties in a twist so bad that you're crying at half past midnight?"

Rubbing absently at the point of impact, Rose sighed. "I've been... working on something of an intensely personal nature," she said slowly, picking her words to be as direct as she could manage to prevent further corporal punishment. "I brought it with me to work on during the duller moments of this trip. Foolishly, I thought my personal items were not subject to being ransacked without my permission, and I found David prying where he shouldn't be. He was... laughing. At how 'stupid' he thought it was. He read it aloud to John and Jade while tearing it apart."

Bro shrugged. "Yeah, so? I get that it's personal, but this is Dave. He gets in my shit all the time, and not even the strictest of punishments has ever gotten him to stop. You know that, what's the big deal?"

For a moment, she considered dropping the subject, taking the pillow and spare blanket, and sleeping in the laundry room. The moment passed, though, and she drew in a steadying breath through her nose before answering. "Were it my normal fare, I wouldn't be upset, but... like I said, it is intensely personal. When I finish it, I'd intended it to be a gift. For Dave."

"Oh." Bro stayed silent for a few moments before hesitantly patting her on the back. "He piss you off like this a lot?"

Rose found herself making a sound somewhere between a snort and a strangled laugh. "To put it simply, no. He will often 'piss me off,' but it is usually constrained to less hurtful matters that sting but rarely wound."

Perhaps Rose could attribute it to the fact that it was, in fact, the middle of the night and that she had woken the man up sans his usual defenses, but for a few brief moments she thought she saw confusion pass over Bro's features before disappearing behind the usual, patented Strider poker face. "Then why the fuck do you still talk to him if you hate him so much?"

Before she realized exactly what she was saying, her tongue had formed a reply. "While I am aware that the culture of Texas is somewhat removed from that of the northern states, I did not think it was a common practice to craft deep and meaningful gifts for family members you loathe. I will have to remember this come Christmastime."

Bro's hand moved much faster than she could really follow, but the sting it left was testament to its presence once again colliding with the back of her head. "Wanna rephrase that, or do I have to hit you again?"

She winced and hissed, scowling. "All right, I earned that," she conceded. "Let me try another angle, if a slightly more oblique one. This matter is sensitive and one I have difficulty speaking plainly about. To put it simply: I would be significantly less upset about the matter if I hated him."

It seemed to take a moment for Bro to process this information before speaking again. "You want I should beat some sense into him next time he pulls something like this?"

"I wouldn't dare to tell you how to raise your ectobiological son--" she paused when she saw his eyebrow raised in warning, then cleared her throat. "But I think I should learn to handle his idiocy on my own." Bro's eyebrow fell back to its original position, its owner obviously placated by the second half of her statement.

"All right, good. Now can you please go the fuck to sleep?"

Rose couldn't help it. The opening was too good. "Of course," she said sweetly, "but only if you ask in the style of Samuel L. Jackson." Despite the sting of the smack, she couldn't help grinning, just a little, and she could see that Bro was doing the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD. I (harpydora) completely flubbed and forgot to post this piece ENTIRELY until after I'd already posted the next two pieces. Mea culpa!

_November 22, 2011_

 _This holiday has been nothing if not mercurial. I enjoyed such a pleasant trip to Washington, only to suffer extreme bouts of mood whiplash once we had set down on the tarmac at Sea-Tac. Most of it should have been expected, but I found myself infected with a strain of Jade's optimism, it seems._

 _The most disconcerting aspect of the holiday so far has been the outpouring of paternal affection. Mr. Egbert and Bro have both been somewhat unexpected sources of emotional support through my confusion and frustration. Bro's interest in my mental well-being has been particularly surprising, though not entirely unwelcome in the wake of the recent breach of my privacy._

 _I have also taken the time to go through my personal documents such as this and encrypt them. I will not have a repeat of Strider's irresponsible shenanigans._

 

Rose was jolted awake reasonably early by a hearty punch to her arm. Dave leaned over the back of the couch, a clear scowl on his face. "What the fuck did I do to deserve getting woken up to an ass-kicking from Bro at o'dark thirty? I went through your shit, so what, I've done that before and you never flipped off the handle like that."

Reaching for her headband on the coffee table, she sat up and set to straightening herself. It surprised her how little effort it took to maintain her calm exterior. "Look, Strider, if you genuinely don't know what you've done, there is very little point in trying to elucidate the matter."

After straightening out a bit, Rose left for the crowded kitchen. As usual, there was a giant stack of pancakes sitting in the middle of the table for everyone to take as many as they liked. There was nearly a gallon of warmed syrup and easily a few pounds of butter, again, for the gathered teenagers and adults to take as much as they wanted. Her mother was working on only a couple pancakes, Bro had a respectable five, John had a nice, even four on his plate, while Jade's was piled high and smothered in obscene amounts of butter and syrup.

Dave shoved past her and started putting several on his own plate before settling down next to Jade. "Damn, Harley, you might wanna watch how many of those you stuff your face with. You're already starting to pack on some pounds there."

John reached around his sister to smack at his friend's arm. "Shut up, there's nothing wrong with her having a healthy weight! It's cute!"

Rose smiled a little as Jade blushed. She still had to wonder... But now was not the time to ask. Instead, she placed three pancakes on her own plate, putting a pat of butter between them, and drizzling just a little syrup on top. Food acquired, she claimed the seat on the other side of John, who greeted her warmly. "Good morning! Was the couch okay? You looked pretty peaceful when we got up, but still..."

When her mother looked up from her plate to stare at John, Rose braced herself for the inevitable question. This was only going to turn into a passive-aggressive breakfast war. "Rose, dear, why on earth did you _choose_ to sleep on the couch? I assumed your cot had broken, but now I realize that I probably should have asked before making plans to acquire another..."

She weighed her options while cutting her pancakes into evenly sized squares, not letting her emotions show on her face. Finally, she arrived at what she hoped was the response least likely to provoke her mother further. "My cot is indeed fine, so you may cancel your plans unless you feel we desperately need a spare. I was just feeling very unkind toward my 'Dearest Brother' last night, and did not think that sharing a room with him would be conducive to either of us sleeping peacefully." She let the sarcasm drip off the words, but kept her gaze pointedly on her breakfast.

It was so very satisfying when her mother turned her attentions toward Dave instead. "David, sweetheart, would you mind explaining what happened that made your sister so upset?" Rose recognized that tone of voice - sickeningly sweet, like poisoned honey. She smiled slightly and waited for Dave to slip up or show even the slightest weakness. As he was unused to dealing with his mother, he was only going to be ripped to shreds.

Today was starting out much better than the previous had ended.

By the time breakfast was done, Bro had packed away another plate of pancakes, John and Jade had both pled with Mr. Egbert until he made scrambled eggs (some of which Bro stole when he thought no one was looking), Dave had absconded with his plate, and Rose's mother had already started making mimosas. As Rose cleared her dishes, John laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Rose, I have an idea!" His eyes gleamed with mischief, and his face was lit up by a wide, easy grin. There was literally no way Rose couldn't return his smile, though she tried anyway.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that Dave was _way_ out of line last night, and I was thinking that if you still were upset, we could bust out the old Gamecube and do the Smash Brothers thing!"

Oh, this would be the perfect way to really piss Strider off. "I would be delighted, John. It's been too long since we've pulled that thing out."

"Awesome! Jade's getting it set up right now." He grabbed her hand and pulled her back toward the living room. True to his word, Jade sat in front of the large TV, hooking up a blue Gamecube that had obviously seen some better days as well as four wireless controllers. Once she'd finished plugging everything in, she pressed the power button, then gave the console a solid thwap with a newspaper. The Gamecube start-up screen blazed to life on the huge television.

"All right, let's do this!" She twisted around so she faced the stairs. "David Fancypants Strider, get down here and prepare to have your butt served to you in triplicate!" she yelled.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Dave clambered down the stairs, taking them two at a time, and it was clearly obvious from the start that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Dave, why are you deeming us all worthy to see the bruises from the beating Bro gave you this morning?" Rose tried to keep the remark respectably snide, but she honestly couldn't help herself from staring. His constant strifing gave him a lean, athletic build which was punctuated by freckles and faded white scars from stabs, slices, and gunshots he sustained in the Medium. How could a girl not stare?

There was the subtle movement of Dave's head that indicated he was rolling his eyes. "Shut up, my last clean shirt got covered in syrup, so I started up a load of laundry."

Jade tossed a controller at his head, which he caught with ease. "Bluh bluh words. Just sit down and choose your character."

The remaining controllers were divvied up between Jade, John, and Rose, and characters were selected. Dave chose Young Link (Rose assumed the irony was too great to pass up), John claimed Ness, Jade chose Mr. Game & Watch, while Rose preferred to play as Princess Peach. Characters chosen, the carnage began.

The first match was predictable: Dave exploited a glitch in the level to handily take care of his opponents in a matter of minutes. Jade threw her controller at his head in retaliation for his cheating, and the second match had everyone focusing on keeping Dave away from glitchy areas. It resulted in his thorough and utterly humiliating defeat at the hands of Peach's umbrella.

The subsequent matches followed a different formula. While the other three would focus on containing Dave, Dave would focus his fire on one of them (often John), resulting in one dying and the other being near-death. It was then only a matter of time before the remaining players fell to Mr. Game & Watch's sausage attacks.

"Jesus, Harley, what the fuck?" demanded Dave after the fourth match she won in a row. "Game & Watch is the shittiest character ever, how are you even doing that?"

"Sausage attack!" she cried, picking up a throw pillow and tossing it at Dave's head. He deflected it easily, but the second smacked him square in the nose and dislodged his sunglasses.

"The fuck is with you trying to break my shades? These were a gift you know. Near and dear to my own teenage heart." Dave put a hand to his chest, feigning a hurt look.

Rose could not pass up the chance to tease her sibling. "Yes, of course, how silly of us to forget that they serve not only as a 'cool accessory' but also as a symbol of your undying sexual devotion to John."

"Yeah, gosh Jade, I'd be devastated if those got broken! Without those shades, Dave and I can never consummate our love!" John put a hand to his head and pretended to swoon. Like a flash, Dave caught him and dipped him back, all while making the most ridiculously duck-lipped "pucker up" face.

"Gimme some sugar, my homoerotic burrito lord," he crooned.

"Oh my god, Dave, gross!" John's words were punctuated by a giggle-snort as he shoved Dave's face away. In retaliation, Dave thrust out his lips further and made lewd sucking noises, which only caused John to snort harder and squirm out of his grasp. "Dude, no, that face! It's too much!"

Dave dropped John the remaining foot to the floor and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Whatever, man. You don't want a piece of this hot Strider action, your loss."

Jade rolled her eyes, her hands on her hips. "Maybe he just doesn't think fish-lips are sexy? Why don't you try learning how to properly kiss a girl before you start slobbering all over my little brother?"

"You making an offer?"

"What? Ew, no!" Jade stuck out her tongue and made a weird, disgusted face. "I'm saving my first kiss for my true love, just like in all my animes!"

"Hate to break it to you, Harley, but it's either you or my ectosis, since John's hot lips are off limits." Dave crossed his arms over his bare chest, drawing Rose's eyes to the smooth skin stretched over lean muscle and dotted with scars and freckles.

It was a challenge Rose just couldn't pass up. "Unlike Jade, I am actually practiced in the ways of romantic affection. Does my experience frighten you, Strider?"

Dave cocked his head in her direction, a small sneer working its way onto his face. "The only thing that scares me about you is the fact that you might have vagina dentata, Lalonde."

Rose tried to tamp down the immediate response. Her attempt was a total failure, because only the barest of moments passed before she allowed snark to take over. "I was unaware that my confessed sibling lust was reciprocated so much that the thought of such a ridiculous notion is enough to ruin your fantasies."

"Well shit, when you throw down the gauntlet like that, how's a man to refuse the challenge?" With a grace born of a lifetime of practice, Dave unfolded his arms, pulled Rose to her feet, and tipped her back. She froze, heart skipping a beat when she felt his arms slide around her. It felt like time stretched until everything seemed to be moving in ultra-slow motion (considering Dave was right next to her, it might even have been possible).

She was intensely aware of the heat rolling off his body, and when his lips met hers, it felt almost like fire. Dave was impossibly warm, the press of his lips impossibly soft. One of his hands slid up her back and curled in the hair at the base of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. His other hand drifted lower, resting quite firmly below below the waist. He pulled her closer, close enough that Rose could feel his heart pounding against her chest (or was that _her_ heart that was beating like a bird's?). She felt his teeth graze her bottom lip, followed by the insistent press of his tongue.

Unsure of what else to do, Rose panicked and pushed at Dave's shoulders. Despite having wanted this very thing, it was an entirely different situation than she had imagined, and she just couldn't tell if her brother's actions were genuine or merely a joke gone too far. In short, she needed space to clear her head and think.

Time snapped back into motion like a rubber band stretched beyond its limit, and Dave, seemingly mirroring her panic, dropped her back on the sofa. "Ugh, god, now I need to go brush my teeth to get the taste of snarky horseshit outta my mouth," he mumbled, almost tripping over the back of the couch in his mad dash for the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

_December 9th, 2011_

 _I find myself feeling increasingly confused in the wake of our Thanksgiving visit. Days like these, I long for Terezi's powers over mind, because, Seer though I may have been, the true feelings of my friends remain opaque to me. I feel I am deluding myself in thinking there was any genuine affection in the stolen kiss, yet it remains on my mind constantly even at the remove of some weeks._

 _I've thrown myself into the remainder of my studies in the meantime. Christmas fast approaches, and both of my gifts for my dearest brother are near completion. My gifts for the others are not far behind. With any luck, I will lay to rest the issue once and for all._

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

[GG]: omg rose i have the best news!!! :D :D :D   
[TT]: Hmm. Allow me to engage my amazing psychic abilities in order to divine what this news may possibly be.   
[GG]: :D :D   
[TT]: Hmm...  
[TT]: Hmmm...  
[TT]: Becquerel is pregnant, isn't he?   
[GG]: roooooooose! bec is a boy and hes been fixed for years!! try again!   
[TT]: Would you feel the need to inflict bodily harm upon me if I went for the obvious car insurance joke?   
[GG]: yes!! D:  
[GG]: (hehe not really but you aren't even trying!)   
[TT]: Well, then, elucidate me. What are these good tidings which you bring just in time for the Christmas season?   
[GG]: its official!!!   
[TT]: You'll have to be a little more specific, Jade.   
[GG]: XP me and john silly!!   
[TT]: John has come around and admitted his feelings for you? How long have you been trying to get the point across?   
[GG]: um......  
[GG]: about a year now!   
[TT]: John's naïveté is, as always, readily apparent. Dare I ask what you did to finally get him to say yes?   
[GG]: well when you and dave dont spend the week over at our house we kind of dont use those separate beds!! ;)   
[TT]: ...   
[GG]: dont get silly ideas missy!!!  
[GG]: weve never actually had sex   
[TT]: And how, praytell, do you define 'sex'? Strictly penetrative acts? Or do you include other sexual acts such as frottage, oral sex, and mutual masturbation?   
[GG]: rooooooose!!!!!!  
[GG]: youre missing the point!!   
[TT]: What point would that be?   
[GG]: john asked me if we were a thing or not!!   
[TT]: Judging by your declaration that "it's official," would I be wrong to assume that you said yes?   
[GG]: you would not!! :D :D :D   
[TT]: Then I must extend my congratulations.   
[GG]: thanks!!!!  
[GG]: :O hows that thing with dave going?   
[TT]: I would say it's going admirably well.  
[TT]: I believe that I will have both of Dave's gifts finished well before you all arrive for Christmas.   
[GG]: oooh what are you getting for him??   
[TT]: I have a two-pronged attack planned. My first strike is a plush and comfortable hand-knit sweater, since he often fails to pack warm enough clothing. This gift will satisfy my passive-aggression quota for the season.   
[GG]: whats the second attack???   
[TT]: Well, shortly after I told you about the situation back in September, I had a conversation with Strider in which I promised him a story. Now, the initial promise was one made in jest, but I decided that perhaps the best way to confess my feelings to him would be through the use of prose.   
[GG]: oh gosh is it that thing dave was reading out loud before thanksgiving?   
[TT]: That would be the safe assumption, yes.   
[GG]: yeah john told me that the part he was reading sounded a lot like when you went grimdark! :O  
[GG]: so thats why you were so upset.....  
[GG]: man dave is a real dick sometimes :(   
[TT]: I believe he was adequately punished for his actions, although his reaction to that section of the story admittedly has me a bit concerned.   
[GG]: well whatever happens i am behind you 110% and i am totally willing to bury any bodies you need me to!! :D   
[TT]: I'm quite certain you would happily bury any bodies I were to bring your way. You're a tad enthusiastic in that respect.   
[GG]: hehe i just want to make sure that everyones happy and taken care of!!   
[TT]: I'm sure I speak for myself and the boys when I say thank you for that.   
[GG]: youre welcome!!! <3  
[GG]: just remember that we all love you no matter what!!   
[TT]: Wish me luck in hoping that Dave is taking that love a little more seriously.   
[GG]: gooood luuuuck!!!!!

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] has started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

[TG]: sup lalonde   
[TT]: Oh, nothing much. I've only just finished up your Christmas present.   
[TG]: oh shit is it almost christmas  
[TG]: fuck  
[TG]: quick tell me what you want  
[TG]: if you dont i will just assume that you want me wearing my shades a bow and a sardonic grin with a side of whipped cream  
[TG]: maybe some maraschino cherries if your mom doesnt use em in a cocktail first  
[TG]: howzzat sound   
[TT]: Dave, I would love for nothing more than exactly what you just described.   
[TG]: you are such a fucking cocktease lalonde  
[TG]: seriously what do you want for christmas  
[TG]: last minute shoppers everywhere wanna know   
[TT]: I suppose I am getting a bit low on good knitting yarn.   
[TG]: damn  
[TG]: guess i have to take back that velociraptor i got you  
[TG]: and get some sparkly wizard yarn instead  
[TG]: oh well  
[TG]: whatd you get me   
[TT]: That is currently classified. However, Jade has assured me that if you do not enjoy your gifts, she will assist in burying the body.   
[TG]: what  
[TG]: lalonde  
[TG]: what wait  
[TG]: dont you dare go idle on me  
[TG]: thats not cool

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --

[TG]: no  
[TG]: lalonde you get back here  
[TG]: lalonde


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, I (harpydora) made a blunder on uploading everything and left out a PRETTY MAJOR SCENE. This scene is the new chapter four. Everything is in the right order now, though! ^^;

_December 23rd, 2011_

 _This holiday has been significantly more subdued. Color me incredibly surprised._

 _Only two days remain until I gift Strider an unencrypted copy of my story. I find myself feeling by turns intensely nervous, relieved, and strangely serene. I do believe Jade when she told me that I am loved no matter what; the bonds that are forged in such life-or-death situations as we have experienced are rarely broken so easily. I just want that little bit more._

 _Perhaps I am being greedy. Only time will tell._

 

"One gift," Roger Egbert's stern voice reminded them, "and you save the rest for tomorrow morning."

"But Daaaaaaaad!" John complained, turning his best puppy-dog eyes on his father. "We're old enough to know that Santa isn't leaving the presents under the tree anymore! Why can't we just open them now?"

His father re-lit his pipe and puffed on it thoughtfully for a few moments. "Because it's Christmas tradition, son. One gift on Christmas Eve, and then the rest all together in the morning, before breakfast. It's just how it's done, and that's final."

"Aww." John made an exaggerated pouting face, but he took his gift from his father out from under the tree and returned to the area in front of the TV. Jade had bullied Dave into helping her build a blanket fort using the J-shaped sofa, and now they all sat in a circle in front of it, each cradling the gift they chose to open that night. Jade had picked up a gift to her labeled "from Bec" (which was just a gift that Mr. Egbert had playfully put Becquerel's name on rather than his own), while Rose chose to open her mother's gift in order to get it out of the way. Dave held the box that Rose had spent half an hour meticulously wrapping for him, complete with a hand-made bow.

"All right, let's get this party started." Dave tore open the wrapping paper and discarded it in a messy pile, destroying the ribbon and throwing it on top. Rose twitched slightly at the callous disregard for her careful packaging, but awaited his reaction to the contents. "The hell, Lalonde. A sweater. This is your big idea of an epic Christmas present?" He held it up, then pulled it on after a quiet grunt of approval.

Something dislodged and caught up in his sunglasses, and Dave frowned as he extracted the lanyard of a flash drive from his beloved shades. "The hell is this?"

Rose just smiled and shrugged. "Part of your Christmas present. It turned out to be a little more than fifty pages, but I spent almost twelve of them describing the shoes."

Dave quirked an eyebrow before smirking. "All right, that's what I'm talking about." He set the flash drive to the side, waiting for the others to take their turns.

"Me next!" said Jade, holding her gift up so everyone can see the tag. Then she used a fingernail to slice the wrapping paper at one end open and let the present fall out. She squealed with delight. In her lap sat a gallon-sized freeze bag full of bone-shaped cookies with a note saying "for peeplez and doggys" and punctuated by a paw-print. She pulled open the bag and grabbed a handful of the cookies, shoving one into everyone's mouth. "I love these!"

John mumbled something through his mouthful of dog-/human-treat and ripped the paper off his gift. By the time all the paper had fallen to the floor, he made a noise that Rose had a difficult time qualifying as human. In his hands he held the Holy Grail of mostly-terrible-but-not-Uwe-Boll movies: the Roland Emmerich boxed collection.

"Oh my god, Dad, this is so awesome!" John stood up and went over to give his father a ridiculously overdramatic hug. Rose rolled her eyes and turned to her own present. It was incredibly heavy, and a bit on the larger side. All she could hope for, really, was that it wasn't a block of stone or something ridiculous that weighed nearly as much.

Being very careful with the wrapping paper, Rose revealed a leather-bound, complete copy of the entire Lord of the Rings series. Set on thick paper, no less. She opened up to the beginning chapter, pleased to note an ornate opening letter there. "Thank you, Mother. This will be an excellent addition to my collection."

Her mother entered from the direction of the kitchen bearing a platter of steaming mugs. "You're quite welcome, dear. Now that you've finished with _that_ , here is some cocoa that I made. I think you will all enjoy it very much." She placed the mugs on the wizard-festooned coffee table with a crooked smile. "Now, you all settle down and be good for Broderick while Roger and I take care of some business."

By 'take care of some business,' Rose assumed that her and John's father were both going to make out in the hallway decorated with nothing but mistletoe. She rolled her eyes and settled in between Jade and Dave to watch the movie being put in. " _A Christmas Story_? Really? Dude, that's gonna be on _all fucking day_ tomorrow, why are you putting it in right now?" Despite his protests, Dave didn't make any move to try and wrestle the DVD away from his brother.

"It's fuckin' tradition, kid, just deal. It ain't Christmas Eve if I don't pass the fuck out while I'm supposed to be watching you brats watch this movie." Broderick's logic was undeniable. The first Christmas they had all spent together, he declared that they were old enough to mind themselves and drank himself into a stupor, and it had been that way for the following Christmas Eve as well. It was a firm tradition, much as the opening of only one gift beforehand.

Rose just quietly sipped at her cocoa, reaching to plug in the electric kettle her mother had brought for refills. Jade, John, and Dave grabbed their cocoa as well, and they all retreated to the blanket fort once the movie started.

It didn't take long before Bro's drunken snoring echoed through the living room. If forced to hazard a guess, Rose estimated that he'd likely been imbibing a bit early this year; he hadn't even made it to the arrival of the lamp.

She refilled her mug, feeling strangely warm and flushed. A glance in either direction showed Dave to be similarly flushed, while John and Jade had collapsed in a giggling pile of limbs together with John's head tucked under Jade's chin. It would not surprise Rose at all if her mother had added a little something extra to the cocoa. The only real question would be _why_?

Dave refilled his mug and sprawled out next to Rose, a little closer than usual. Rose decided to try and bit a little forward herself and moved right up next to him. She was ready to say something, but distracted by a sudden squeal from Jade as John pulled her into his lap and kissed her. "It's about time," Rose mused aloud to no one in particular. "They were so obviously pining for each other for too long."

At her side, Dave shifted. "I guess. Not gonna lie, I'm kinda glad I don't gotta hear John freaking the fuck out about it anymore." He took a swig of his cocoa before speaking again. "You ain't grossed out by it?"

Rose shrugged, leaning into him with a slight smile. "I believe that the Westermarck effect simply isn't in play with them. Or us, I suppose. They can know that they're siblings all they want, but the emotional attachment and sexual detachment just isn't there." She gestured at them vaguely with the hand not clutching her mug. "Besides, if, after the service they rendered for this world, they wish to engage in potentially taboo but consensual acts, then the world can go fuck itself."

With her body pressed against his, Rose could feel the intake of breath as it seemed Dave was about to say something. However, no words left his lips; instead, he looped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in a little closer.

Between Dave's warmth and unusually genuine display of affection, the nerves of making sure everything was ready in time for her gifts to everyone, and the liberal amounts of alcohol her mother had likely added to the cocoa, it was relatively easy to fall asleep. The fact that she was leaning against her dear brother as she drifted off only seemed to make the end of the night even better.


	7. Chapter 7

_The tension was too much for her to handle. The Lady Grimmedarque stared into the shielded gaze of her Knight, her own dearest sibling. It was with no small amount of trepidation that she lifted his visor to stare into the beautiful red eyes he tried so hard to conceal from the world. Since he allowed the action, it was all the Lady could do to assume that it was as good as permission to continue._

 _"I love you." She did not say the unnecessary. Their relationship was taboo. While the prince and his dalliance with the lady in waiting were allowed by dint of their royal blood, the Knight deStrideur and Lady Grimmedarque's love had no such protection. If they tried to be open about it, they would be ridiculed at best, banished at worst._

 _The Knight did not say anything. Even now, faced with a declaration of love, he refused to let his stoicism fade long enough to utter the words the Lady most wanted, nay, needed to hear. However, he was not without action. He pulled the Lady Grimmedarque into a fierce embrace. Their lips met with intense, unrestrained passion, each one desperate for a taste of the other._

 _Both lovers eventually had to pull away, reluctant though they might be. "Please don't leave me." The Lady felt intensely vulnerable, but the Knight was one of the few she trusted with everything. He would not take advantage of her tenuous emotional state, and indeed only held her close in a quiet embrace._

 _"_ We _could leave. Only those in the castle know we are related. We could become new people, forge new identities for ourselves, and no one need know. We could be together without repercussions. All we need is to leave."_

 _At this, the Knight did speak up. "Are you really willing to leave behind our friends for a chance at a life together in the open?"_

 _When it was phrased in that way, the Lady Grimmedarque paused. She did not want to leave her friends, but she did not want to hide her love for the knight. "There must be something we can do. I refuse to let our love be a shameful secret, hidden away from the light of day. You mean so much more to me than a paltry midnight tryst."_

 

Rose was jolted awake rather suddenly by droplets of cold water on her face. Groggily, she tried to push away the hand that was flinging them at her. "What on earth... Ow, my head."

"Yeah, I had the same feeling when I got up a few hours ago to take a piss. Drinking some water helps a bit." Dave handed her a glass. Presumably, it was also the source of the droplets that had woken her up so rudely.

As she drank the entire glass, Rose looked around and noticed that it was still dark out. Bro still lay sprawled across two sections of the sofa, and John and Jade had wrapped themselves up in most of the blankets used for the fort. "Why would you wake me up at..." She took a look at the clock over the mantle, frowning at the time, "shortly after four in the morning? Is your hangover really that bad?"

"It's about your story." Dave's tone of voice left little room for debate. They were going to _talk_ about this whether she liked it or not.

"Very well. I suggest we go somewhere a bit less inclined to anyone listening in on the conversation, however. The observatory should be adequate enough." Rose gathered up her blanket and pillow from the floor. The ones she did not recall having before falling asleep. Had Dave gotten them for her?

She brushed the thought aside, choosing to focus on leading Dave to the observatory without barking her shins on anything or waking anyone else. The last thing she wanted was an interruption. The house was silent and still, though, and they managed to climb to the top of the tower without disturbing anyone. "Might I suggest, before we begin our conversation, that the observatory remain a snark, irony, and passive-aggression free area? I feel as though the last thing we need right now is a misunderstanding of intent."

Dave nodded, expression unreadable. "That's fair. 'Cause I gotta say, what the fuck, Lalonde." His tone was even, tightly controlled to the point that the question mark at the end of his sentence became a period. "What the hell is this. Are you _trying_ to fuck with me or..."

"I assure you, Strider, I am not trying to 'fuck with' you. Rather, I am trying to get it through your head that I would like to, as you would say, _fuck you_." Rose tried to ignore the blush that was creeping into her cheeks, and prayed that the gloomy light in the observatory would hide the flush of color to her face. But at least now the words were out. It had been done.

She could see his jaw working as if to form words, but it took several moments before anything came out. "What." His voice was strangled, and Rose could hear his grip on his cool unravelling into the aether. "What the actual fuck?!" It was nice to hear genuine emotion in his voice for a change, even if it was anger.

"Perhaps now you understand my frustration. I'm sure you recall my statements for a while now that have been along similar lines. Every time I gather the courage to say something and attempt to be sincere, my efforts are laughed away as passive-aggression or snark." Rose crossed her arms and tried to meet Dave's eyes. Even in the dark, his aviators remained situated on the bridge of his nose, so she had to make her best guess.

"Oh no, you do not get to do this," Dave growled, lips pulling back into a sneer. "You say shit to me after I claim I'm the fucking Batman and expect me to take it seriously? Fuck you, it ain't my fault you can't tell me you're being honest for once in your fucking life. 'Least I had the decency not to lead you on!"

That was a blatant lie, and it hurt to be so angry with him, but Rose couldn't stop the words once they'd formed some semblance of coherency in her mind. "Then what was that kiss at Thanksgiving? Your jokes of my Christmas gift being you and a can of whipped cream? The blatant flirting in nearly every conversation we've had over the past several years? If I've led you on, then you've done twice that and more to me!"

For the second time that evening, she saw how her words robbed Dave of his, and she took the opportunity to press on. "Do you have _any_ idea how difficult it has been to try to be close to you when you spurn me at every opportunity? I don't see you in months and the most reaction I get is what amounts to a limp handshake, but then you feel the need to show me affection when you think no one's looking? You sweep me into your arms, _bend time itself_ around us to make it last longer, and then talk about how you have to wash my taste out of your mouth? You look through my personal belongings, find a _gift_ that I was working on for _you_ in an attempt to admit my feelings, then proceed to ridicule it in front of our friends!"

She opened her mouth to draw in another breath and continue listing his trespasses, but Dave's hands falling on her shoulders stopped her short. Rose was certain he was going to say something, but instead the distance between them was closed and his lips were on hers. Unlike the last time, she did not feel time bending around them in strange ways, and was able to bring her mind under control long enough to wrap her arms around his neck.

After a moment, he pulled back. "Fucking hell, Lalonde, we coulda been doin' this a while ago if you hadn't-- mmph!" This close to him, she could barely make out his eyes widening behind the lenses of his sunglasses when she captured his mouth with hers. Just like the last time, he felt so unbelievably hot against her, as if he burned with the fire of Hephaestus's forge. He tasted mostly of cocoa, which was unsurprising, but with an undercurrent of tobacco, presumably from the smoking habit he had picked up shortly before Thanksgiving.

This time, when Dave attempted to invade her mouth with his tongue, Rose was a little more willing to respond and open up to allow the action. While she certainly was no stranger to kissing, none of her handful of previous experiences had truly prepared her for this. It felt like a jolt of electricity that went straight to her heart; it sent a shiver running down her spine. When he pulled away, presumably to catch his breath, and tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth, she thought her knees might buckle.

"Dave, would you be so kind as to remove the unnecessary eyewear so I can look at you properly for a change?" If the words sounded a little breathy and exasperated even to her own ears, she felt she could be forgiven under the circumstances.

"As you wish," he said, his voice not faring much better than hers. With visibly shaking hands, he took the shades off, folded the arms, and set them safely on a window ledge. Even in the dim light, Rose could see how beautifully, delightfully red his eyes were, how expressive. It was no wonder he kept them hidden, because they betrayed everything.

A smile found its way onto her lips as she reached out to touch his face. "You are infuriating, you toy with my emotions while never admitting to your own, and have no regard for personal property. And yet I can't imagine falling in love with anyone else."

Dave placed his hand over hers, pinning it against his cheek, then turned his head until his lips brushed her palm. They stayed that way for a moment, his eyes closed, breath hot against her skin. Then he moved, quicker than she could see, wrapping his arms around her, tilting her back, and kissing her again.

Rose had a feeling they would be at this for a while.


	8. Epilogue

Dave was sick of moving already. It was nothing but an endless stream of his brother's shit popping up inside his own boxes of stuff, lifting and carrying and unpacking. At least this time, it wasn't necessary for him to climb up and down thirty flights of stairs because the fucking elevator was broken.

It was actually a relief to be able to end the day, have a glass of apple juice, and peek in on their new neighbors down the street. This was going to be a lot more pleasant than the old broads that lived across the hall in their old apartment. He knocked at the door, pulling his hands (and the gift box being held in them) behind his back.

A familiar head of blonde hair and surprised lavender eyes met him when the door opened. "Yo, sup Lalonde. Just moving into the neighborhood, thought you might like these." He pulled the box from behind his back and shoved it into her chest, smirking a little as she stared at him.

"Dave, what--"

"Just shut up and look in the goddamn box, Rose."

The look on her face when she saw the brand new pair of high heels was priceless.


End file.
